Friday, February 17, 2012

Apple Disection

On The Bound by Fiona Apple, gently pulled apart as a tender serving of honesty that sometimes has a bit of cajaun spice soaked through it. It's been aged through the thought process of years of experience in my life and smoked with the woody residue of past moments as one living organism on this carbon grown rock we have seemed to have taken fondly to.

All my life is on me now, hail the pages turning
 - Our whole lives depend on every moment. Every single little thought we have, whether as small as a reminder to grab the keys off the coffee table before locking the door or as big as what education to get/what career to follow. It is all happening now. There is actually no such thing as putting life on hold, for it is always moving no matter how much you try to control it.

And the future's on the bound, hell don't know my fury
  - We seem to think that the future is way in front of us. For me at least, when someone says "the future" I think of waaay down the timeline of my life into certain predictions I'm making based on my past choices and whether I found them pleasureable or perhaps, helpful to what I find attractive. Yet there is an opposite side to every person. We all feel things such as anger and sometimes, eventually, bitterness. We often don't like to think about it but everyone has a breaking point. Some of them are further away than others whether due to circumstance or methods of improvement.

You're all I need, you're all I need, you're all I need
You're all I need, you're all I need, you're all I need
You're all I need - and maybe some faith would do me good

 - People are strange. I don't know if I will ever know why we like to torture ourselves, in turn, making life harder for anyone and everyone around us, to the point of even just people we come in contact with. We usually have a bit of this need to please others and not listen to what is actually best for us, causing us to push against something good for the ability to achieve happiness in a projection of someone elses idea of "true". Maybe instead of pushing for understanding and control, a little confidence in the abilities one possesses, would actually work out.

I don't know what I'm doing, don't know, should I change my mind? I can't decide. There's too many variations to consider.
 - When you put your mind in that perspective of every moment being a choice of where on the actual Earth you will be (down the line), what type of person these choices will bring you up to be, the actual story of your journey, and why you ended up taking those specific steps, the whole idea of "life" can get very overwhelming.

Nothing I do, don't do, nothing but bring me more to do. It's true, I do imbue my blue unto myself,
I make it bitter.

 - All those decisions you do end up making are going to do nothing more than bring you more choices to make due to the lack of knowledge that we have for what lays ahead. Some people may be able to gauge what is often done in comparison to the past but they have just as little of an actual prediction as anyone else. We're all on the same page with that one. Maybe it's the lack of that knowledge that makes someone get down on them self. Almost as if we expect to be able to have that ability and feel as if we've failed when it doesn't turn out in parallel with our prediction. Why we feel it is acceptable to beat anyone up about it (including ourselves) is beyond my understanding. How can we actually blame time on anyone? It's no wonder we reach out to whatever is around us. (People and objects of substance or action)

Baby, lay your head on my lap one more time, tell me you belong to me
 - I can't tell you where, but I've heard the sentence (almost a phrase) "people are social creatures" quite a bit. To the point of it being an obvious fact in my head. But when I think of how that is true and verbalize facts behind it, I see that as a person, a friend, a group, a community, a society, a civilization, we exude that theory repeatedly. Because of our diversity, there are always exceptions (with everything, not just this). But for the most part I can't think of a single person that I know of, that would rather be fully alone for the rest of their lives than put up with the majority of people purely for the sake of human interaction. We will put ourselves through hell and back, just to get a taste of belonging and connection. To have that sense of "right" with someone else (be it a lie or otherwise).

Baby say that it's all gonna be alright, I believe that it isn't.
 - Blame it on ego or what have you, but people are stubborn, misinformed, and stubbornly misinformed. We love to rebel and push against what may or may not be there. We flail and spit at the void in our views (for nothing is anything but a perspective) with an expectation that if we keep ourselves clinging, we'll eventually gather strength, thinking, under the surface, "I can keep this going, I know I can." Someone will quite often take any encouragement they can to keep that ball moving even though, we know what is really best for us. If we took the time to stop distracting ourselves from confusion with more confusion, whatever we look for (question or answer) will always be right in front of our face, just waiting for our eyes to actually notice it.

Don't agree? Feel the need to go into further detail? Why not express your differences and reciprocity with other personalities? How can we be so afraid of being "wrong" when no one 100% knows exactly, to the last and tiniest detail, what wrong is?


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Results May Vary

I'm sure most people have heard this before. My Mum would tell me to do something, usually chores related, and I, being the feisty little child I had the tendency of being, would look her dead in the eyes and ask, "Why?"
Her usual response was to say "Because I told you to!" As she threw her hands up in the air, I'm sure growing overly tired of having this small minded being question every little thing she presents to the situation. (Sorry Mum) Needless to say, if you know me at all, I've not changed much. I still push the limits of the facts that are put in front of me. I still challenge whatever I am able to. Much to some peoples dismay..

I've been realizing the value of kindness lately. When I close my eyes and see this mental image of what that word gives me, I see a bunch of people in a circle, holding hands and being friendly with each other. That is just the still picture. If I look at the word "kindness" as an action, it takes on a whole different meaning. Just like music, art, yoga, and love, community is an action. You can choose to include it in every choice that is made during ones day.
Take art for example. I could do this more, but I do try and include it into every part of my day. Whether that is just sketching on napkins at a restaurant, forcing myself to paint every day, or just drawing hearts in the dust at someone's house. Creating images can be done at any time, any place. It's about putting the effort forth to make it happen with whatever material that may be available.
Love is a little harder to do this with sometimes. As humans, we tend to think the world revolves around us as a singular person. "My world is more important than yours, my problems are more substantial, my ideas are better, brighter, bigger. I'm right. You're wrong" We might not want to admit it but we all allow it to happen. Now the action of love is to be able to break through that wall, see the other persons perspective as best you can, then change your own mind, perspective, or even go against your best logic. That's what is hardest for me. Going against logic for the sake of trust, faith, or love. Seems like the dumbest thing to do. But yet, if we would bring a little bit of that empty minded, over the rainbow, cheese ball romance into our lives every once in a while, maybe our relationships would have a bit more forgiveness.
confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
It goes against everything within me. I want tangible, touchable, viewable, truth. I want my senses to be able to tell me, "Yes, this exists. You may believe it." To be able to trust, have faith, in something, someone, is quite hard for me.
Mum made a good point, as blunt as it was. Because I said so is just as much of a reason as the reason she could have explained. Because really, who is to say that it's even believable. The point is, do you want to do it to fight it, for results, or because you want to do it.
I see the point of community as doing something for the sake of doing it. For the sake of someone other than yourself. And though there is no such thing as selflessness because the reason anyone does anything is for ones own happiness. "It makes me happy that you're happy." But to do something for the sake of the action itself is quite the feat. There is no failure! No disappointment. Once you've completed the action, the result is obsolete. If something good does come of it, so be it! If not, you weren't expecting anything anyway.

It has become something I want to include into my daily choices. Do something for the sake of doing it. For the sake of someone else outside of myself. Actions such as those are sure to come back to a person in reward.
But who cares?